We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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