U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
