i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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