Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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