remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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