Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
