if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
