It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
