Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
