a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I got inside last night via doggy door
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
