frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
