Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
