i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
