john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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