My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
