she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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