So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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