i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
