Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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