During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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