If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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