I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize