just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The adults are the big ones right?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
