and she was petting her beer can
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
