she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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