well I can't set my house on fire every night
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
