Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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