You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
