Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
