he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
