quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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