Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
