First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
