she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
