Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
