She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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