well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
