dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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