Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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