She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
