i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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