Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
