the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
