my mouth tastes like poor choices
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize