So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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