i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
