Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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