hotel room ftw
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
