Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
