dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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