she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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