Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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