my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
