I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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