Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
