Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
