You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
