i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
