I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize