those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
