I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
