well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
