Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
