you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
