why didn't you poke me back
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
