so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
