dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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