ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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