Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
