So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
