The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
