ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
not ubering you a puppy
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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