i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize