dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
