totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
