Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
