I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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