A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
