I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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