thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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