Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
