ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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