I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
