The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
