okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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