Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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