i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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