Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
