I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
