He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize