he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
