tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
