one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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