He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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