i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
