Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
