I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize