im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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