So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
