Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
