Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
