Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
