Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Please don't give away my fajitas
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
