Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
soo... how was my night?
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