I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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