Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
