my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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