Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
