Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
