the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
