What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
