Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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