ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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