Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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