I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
