So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
